Friday, June 26, 2009

How do you gain confidence and respect?

I have always wanted to be a person that is respected by others. If you come to my house to see the way that I interact with my children, you would see that I failed to become a person that commands respect. I love them, but they sometimes walk all over me.
This really bothers me sometimes. At work I am in a leadership position and I have trouble getting the people that I teach to follow instructions. Sometimes I feel like they don't even hear me.
I am a proactive person, so I started to think, there must be something that I can do to change this. What are the people that are respected doing differently than me?
There are a few things that I noticed. They aren't wishy-washy like me, they make decisions quickly and give information very clearly. They speak clearly, and they know what they want from others. They stick by what they say and they even have a way of walking and moving that is clear and purposeful. To put that all in one word - confidence. Confidence is what they have that I don't.
Is confidence something that we are born with? I don't think so. When I went to 'school' to become a dog trainer, I had to teach a class by myself that had thirteen crazy, barking dogs in it. There were at least twenty people all staring at me, waiting for me to speak, and I had never spoken to a group of more than four friends. I took a deep breath, knew if I wanted this I had to 'pretend' to be confident. So, I did. I pretended. When I was done, I felt great. I was terrified, but I acted confident and as a result, I was able to lead the rather large class without a problem.
My lack of confidence has really held me back in my life, and I can't let it anymore. I just bought a book that will hopefully teach me to use NLP (neurolinguistic programming) to help me to gain some confidence.
In the past, I have been afraid to do so many things because of what might happen. Isn't that a ridiculous way to live? I believe that anyone who has succeeded at anything had to take a chance, and they had to take action. I really think that they had to learn to overcome fear and behave in a more confident way, even if they didn't feel that way.


BareMoose said...

What a great post! Good luck :)

BrigaBauble said...

I've always been a big believer in "fake it 'til you make it," especially when it comes to confidence--as you did so successfully with the dog training class. My problem is similar in that, while I've generally had professional confidence, I lack confidence in my personal and artistic lives. Lemme know if you end up finding the book useful. Good luck!

SuaVoce said...

I heard a quotation once from a philospher which said that you are what you act to be. I agree that if you act like you have confidence, suddenly you find you DO have confidence! It's something I've got to work on, too. Good luck!

ScentedLuxuries said...

Very nice blog, and a great article.