Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm not sure I care ...

As I write this I am on the verge of tears. I know that I am supposed to remain positive, but I am finding that so difficult right now. It's hard when you want something so badly and NOTHING is happening. I just spent so much money on prints, and I don't think they'll sell. It is so incredibly frustrating that I can't even put it into words. I don't even care that I am putting myself way out there. I don't care that I am coming across as very negative. I don't care because - NO ONE READS IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!! I know that there are many people who are wanting to become an artist. It doesn't make me feel any better. This is the only thing that I am good at. I SUCK at my day job, I SUCK at being a mom and wife, I SUCK at everything else. I can paint though, there is no doubt about it. I can, but it doesn't even matter. I know this is going to sound so whiny, but I feel like the smallest fish in a very large ocean - completely unnoticed. I am telling you right now, there is a big part of me that wants to give up. There is a part of me that is ready to sell all of my paint and brushes and just give the FUCK up. Why did I invest in it? There are about 3 million other things that I could've done with that money, and yet I thought, maybe I should take a chance. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. How is this going to make anything different. And yet ......... come back tommorrow and I will be painting. Why am I SOOOOOO OBSESSED!

1 comment:

Jennie said...

I did read it, and I am so sorry you are in this place. I hope things become more clear and positive for you very soon. Not knowing you at all, I read back through several posts, and for what it's worth, you don't sound like you suck as a mom at all. I wish I had some words of wisdom or something to make you feel better.